It’s a beautiful evening here in Nashville. It’s got me wishing that I had a chair or something for my front porch. I’m sitting in our living room, having a glass of wine and thinking about things. We’ve been living her for over a month and it’s starting to feel less surreal. We went to church this morning and recognized people other than our neighbors, so that’s good.
Our pastor is doing a series from Philippians about living in community. I’m finding it really providential that he would be speaking about that during this specific transition time–when I want so badly to be in community with other people but am finding it more difficult than ever to do so.
My dad is in the military, so we’ve moved around from place to place every three years or so for my entire life. I thought I’d left that behind when I got married, but Tyler and I really felt called to Nashville, so once again, I moved–this time without the military/my parents forcing me to. If you know me very well, you know that I really struggle with being alone, but I also find large social gatherings really intimidating. It takes so much effort for me to talk in large groups of people and put myself out there that I often come home from get-togethers completely exhausted. This is especially true when I don’t know many people at a party or function. I can remember being completely drained after our engagement party and so relieved when we decided to have a small wedding with our most intimate friends and family members.
That’s why I find it so odd that God has planned for someone like me to move around so much. Someone who thrives on good one on one conversation but can’t open her mouth in a large group. You have to talk at the parties in order to meet people and get together with them individually later. It’s just bizarre that he would have someone like me doing this. Yet, it makes perfect sense at the same time. God never promises to make our life easy. And I think that if he didn’t challenge me in this way I would forget that I so desperately need Him to guide and direct me in everything.
With all that in mind, I’m finding our pastor’s messages to be very eye opening and helpful. It’s reminding me that I it’s wrong for me to complain about the way I am or pity myself for being shy. To sit at home eating cookie dough and wallowing in my despair is foolish and even selfish. If I want to live in community I have to put myself out there, find courage and joy in the Lord, and leave my comfort zone behind.
We’re coming home to Delaware in a week. We’ll be playing a few shows. If you haven’t purchased tickets for the Charlie Hall concert (Mitchell Hall, UD, Oct. 8th—we’re opening) you need to! Check out itickets.com and get them!
I hope your evening is as lovely as mine. 🙂