I’ve received quite a few emails asking about the meaning/message of Through Your Eyes. I thought I’d take a little time to explain here on the blog. When we decided to include Through Your Eyes on Faint Not, I thought we’d record it, put it out there, and never play it at shows. Turns out it’s one of our most requested songs. I think it’s because we can all relate to it on a certain level.
I wrote Through Your Eyes just over a year ago. At the time I was on an antiepileptic drug that I’d been taking for a couple years. For the most part the drug controlled my seizures, but it made me extremely tired. I kept taking it because I thought the benefit of having mostly controlled seizures outweighed the constant weariness. But I was wrong. Within a year and a half or so of starting the medication, I found myself in a pretty deep depression. It’s funny how it can creep up on you. First you find yourself sleeping a little longer than normal. Then you start avoiding your friends and coming up with excuses not to attend parties or social events. I began baking a lot. And eating a lot. I stopped writing and reading (two of my very favorite things!) and started watching a lot of TV. We moved to Nashville at the beginning of all of this. Not having many friends made it even easier to isolate myself.
Somehow, I thought I was fine. I think it’s because I didn’t actually feel much. I never felt very happy, but I didn’t feel sad much either. Every once in a while I’d break down, but I figured that was just a part of being me. I can be pretty emotional as it is.
Satan really used that time to mess with me. He told me I wasn’t good enough. That I didn’t deserve love. That Tyler shouldn’t love me. He said that my songs were meaningless because I was fake. That I wasn’t good at anything. That I didn’t need anybody….no one needed know about any of this.
And for a while I believed him. I didn’t talk to anyone about it because I didn’t think anyone cared. I was selfish and wouldn’t let anyone in, even if they tried.
Throughout all of this Tyler continued to love me. He prayed for me. He tried to understand. We moved in with our friends Mike and Erin in January of 2010 and Erin really pursued me and loved me. One day in April I decided to write. I decided to just be honest. Through Your Eyes was born. The line at the end, “I want to see myself through Your Eyes,” is a desperate cry to see myself as the Lord sees me: a beautiful daughter of the King. Redeemed. Loved. Forgiven. Sanctified. The list goes on.
Shortly after I wrote the song I decided I had to get off the medicine I was taking. I switched to a new drug early last fall and I feel so much better. AND I’ve only had one full blown seizure since then. It’s amazing. The Lord is amazing.
Back to why Through Your Eyes has been popular: We can all relate to this in some way or another. You don’t have to be in a deep depression to be doing battle with the enemy. We all fight. And we don’t talk about it enough. It’s difficult to be that vulnerable with each other. But talking about it makes us stronger. I really believe that.
The first time we played Through Your Eyes I felt like I was standing up in front of a bunch of people completely naked. It was terrifying. As we’ve continued to play it, it’s become very liberating. It’s also opened the door for conversation before and after the show.
I hope this helps you understand the song a bit better. Thanks to all who have asked about it.